The Homeless

I am currently watching Garden State, and I realized that I have no home. I am homeless. Don't get me wrong - I have always had a house to live in, but I don't ever recall having a home.

A house is a building - a physical place. But a home is something more. A home is some place where you are safe, a place of retreat and security. I've lived with my parents ever since I was a wee little lad (as have we all), but as a kid, you don't know the difference between a home and a house. Now that I'm older, I realize that I don't have a home, a place to call my own. It's either my parent's house, a dorm, etc. There has yet to be a Ben's House.

This has never bothered me because I always knew I'd be out of college one day and get my own place. But when will that be? Maybe I'll have an apartment at first, but then I'll get married and get a house or two, but when will I REALLY be settled? Do I have to wait until I have a wife and kids, with a big house? Can I wait that long?

But what if I'm looking for the wrong thing? I've always heard "home is where the heart is." Maybe that's the ticket. Maybe my problem is that my heart has never been where I am because I've always assumed I would move on to something else. I think I'm missing the now in anticipation of the future.

The line I literally just heard in the movie as I typed the last sentence: "That's life, some times it f---ing hurts. But it's all we have."

My life doesn't really hurt, but I don't think I'm living it. I'm waiting to live the life of tomorrow. But I can't do that until today's life has been lived.

And so it begins...