It's funny how easily it is to ignore others. It's funny how easily it is to pretend someone is invisible when they're sitting right next to you. I think this happens far to frequently with the elderly, mentally handicapped, and children.
Take, for example, my grandparents. We were all over at their place on New Years Eve just sitting around visiting. We started talking about how Grandma has/hasn't progressed physically on certain things, and how she likes this but doesn't like that, and on and on and on. BUT SHE WAS SITTING RIGHT THERE! We were talking as if she wasn't! How can we do that so easily? I'm sure she's thinking (if she can hear us very well, which is an entirely different issue), Why don't they just ASK me? I'm sitting right here!
It goes like this: someone asks Grandma about something. She either can't hear and just gives a vague answer or answers something that isn't true. (Like she says she wants to eat a pig-in-a-blanket when we all know she can't physically and she'd hate it anyway) So then Mom or Grandpa changes her answer to the correct one. Then someone asks Mom or Grandpa something related to the topic at hand. A conversation has begun. Mom or Grandpa talk a little softer so Grandma doesn't hear them talking about her when she's right there. Anyone would do that. But then after a few sentences, the conversation level gets back up to regular talking volume, and we're all talking about someone who is sitting right next to us.
How are we able to do this so swiftly and unknowingly? Maybe we think, "oh, it's just a kid. They won't know what I'm talking about." Or maybe, "Grandma can't hear that well anyway, so it's OK." Or maybe, "Their mind just isn't able to understand what I'm saying." But how can we know any of that is true? Doesn't everyone know that kids are like sponges and soak up everything they hear and see? If Grandma can't communicate very well in her old age, how do we know what she can and can't hear? Maybe she just can't tell us very well what she can and can't hear.
I have mixed feelings about all this. It is necessary to talk about Grandma's issues, but not in front of her...right? But it would look equally strange if we all suddenly got up and left to go talk in the other room, leaving her all alone for a bit! And her hearing really is pretty terrible, so she probably can't hear us anyway. But does that make it OK? How would I like it if someone was talking about me when I was right there? Not very well. I'd want to get in on the conversation. Unless, of course, I didn't know or understand what they were saying.
...and round and round we go...
1 comment:
Interesting point you bring up. I've thought that before because of my sister's autism. We talk about her issues, problems or what not in front of her. We think he doesn't understand any of this anyway, so why not, but then she goes and repeats a word that we don't find appropriate that she learned from listening to the TV that's placed in another room. They did a study in TIME about Autism and they showed that the children can sometimes hear what's going on3-4 bedrooms away! It gives a whole new perspective on why she makes the sounds that she does and why she reacts vehemently to some places we're driving through, she hears pitches that we thought only dogs could hear.
You're right about your Grandma, what is she hears and can't respond correctly? Proof of that issue is seen easily in a person with cerebral palsy, they can understand, but they can't respond in ways they want. So, does Grandma hear the conversation about her? Maybe, or maybe not. We've all gone into believing that talking about someone when they're not around is gossip but sometimes it might be necessary if they understand but can't respond. I wouldn't want people talking about my problems so openly in front of me with me not able to tell them that I hear them.
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